Friday 14 January 2011

"Sorry to be blunt"

The tone was enough.  Those first words from the radiologist confirmed my worst nightmare and pretty much blurred the rest of what he said.

"I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's not good news"

The 20 minute MRI scan had taken almost an hour before I plucked up the courage to ask the radiologist of the progress.  He'd been flitting back and forth during the last 40 minutes or so with a sense of urgency.  I had no idea what was going on in there.
It turned out that he'd been suspicious of something showing up on the initial scan, so had to arrange a 'contrast' scan which would reveal more detail.
He said that something had shown up on the scan, and repeated..  "It's not good news I'm afraid".
"I'll know more in about 30 minutes when I've had a close look at the scans".  I felt myself welling up, the radiologist left to check the scans..  I collapsed back into the chair and sobbed.

While I waited a while longer, and I could hear sniffling and crying that sounded like Louise - but I couldn't tell where it was coming from.  Had he already told her?  Why couldn't I be there with them when he had?  I felt angry, helpless, and bewildered..  and worried about Joel who'd be witnessing all these tears wondering what the hell was going on.

Louise emerged from the MRI unit with Joel.  She looked at me and started to fill up.  She'd already been crying, and could tell that I had.  "What did he tell you?" she asked.  "Only that it's not good news..  What did he tell you?".  He hadn't said anything to her, but as a GP, she knew that when the radiologist appeared, he'd be bringing 'contrast' to inject into Joel, which confirmed that he suspected something was there and needed a more detailed image.

He took us into his office, explained to us in great medical detail (I'm not medical, so while it went way above my head, Louise was crying and I knew it had to be bad), and told us that he'd already admitted Joel into the Children's ward to stay the night at New Cross pending bed availability at Birmingham Childrens Hospital.

The consultant in the Children's ward was a lovely lady, Dr. Annabel Copeman.  She was very comforting, supportive, and reminded us that from this moment, we were nothing but a mom and dad..  I'm not a photographer..  I'm a dad, and Louise is a mom - for the foreseeable future.

Dr. Copeman showed us the scans and Louise read the report.  The tumour was huge - for a brain the size of a 6 year old boy at least.  Approximately 4cm diameter, in Joel's Cerebellum - the part of the brain which controls balance, fear & pleasure, amongst other functions - including attention.

I've always joked that Joel has the attention span of a gnat. Louise would always berate me for saying it - but I didn't mean it with any malice.  I didn't mind the fact that he gets bored easily..  although it is annoying when he goes off to do find something else to do before I'd finished setting up the train set or joining in his medieval fort game...  
He gets bored very quickly and wants to move on to the next challenge.  Because he's a very bright lad and usually completes things very quickly too, we just assumed he likes a constant challenge - it's a trait both Louise and I possess so why worry about it?  He seemed to multi-task very well - leaving one thing, going to complete another, then coming back and finishing where he left off without any problem..

The tumour looked massive on his scan. Surrounded by liquid which was putting pressure onto the brain and possibly the spinal cord.  I can't begin to imagine the pain Joel was suffering..  he never complains about anything - he tumbles, scratches, grazes and bruises himself - but always picks himself up and carries on - often oblivious to the fact that he's cut himself.  Recently, his headaches had him clutching his head in tears.

Louise read the report and started crying again. I understood none of it, and even the scans were beyond my comprehension - except for the size of the tumour compared to his brain.

Dr. Copeman asked if we had any questions.
There were so many questions.. yet the only ones we could think of were the two questions they couldn't answer.  How long had it been there and why?

She asked if we'd like to go and join her to talk to Joel.  I went to get up from my chair and fell back down, head in my hands, I wept.  Louise put her arm around me and told me we'd get through this.
We pulled ourselves together and eventually went back to the playroom where the SHO had been looking after Joel.  He looked at us, his squint glaringly obvious - yet he was still as cheerful as ever - pleased that he'd got so many new toys at his disposal.

He was told that he had something in his head which shouldn't be there, so he'd need to stay at the hospital to get better..  possibly for a few weeks.  He turned to his mom and said "I think I'll just have a day off school mummy".  Louise told him that he'd probably be having more than just a day off..  He pointed to the school room in the Children's Ward and said "No, I'll just have one day off, then I'll go to that one".

I had to leave to pick Eve up from school.  Joel's 7 year old sister knows Joel is not well, but she doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. It leaves us a difficult choice as well - do we tell her the truth, warts and all, or dumb it down? Or lie and say he's just having tests...

We decide to tell her the truth, at least most of it. There are some things she doesn't need to know in detail. In the meantime, Birmingham Childrens Hospital's Neurosurgeons confirmed there was a bed available and they would like to admit Joel immediately. We were transferred to BCH in a Taxi (There was no medical need for an ambulance transfer), and I followed in my car.

We were allocated a bed, and within minutes, Roberto (Senior Registrar I believe) introduced himself and explained to us what would happen. Immediately, we felt relief... a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. He explained that they would like to do a more detailed MRI scan over the weekend, and that the consultant Mr Solanki had cleared his entire clinic on Monday in order to carry out the operation to remove the tumour.

Everything looking good.

1 comment:

  1. My prayers for you Joel, for you Eve and for you mother and father of all.

    Ilaria

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