Thursday 27 January 2011

Dog Day Afternoon....

Thursday...  No pictures from today.  Had so much to do - This morning, I had to take the dog to the vet for his injection...  Joel is booked in for an eye test with the opthamologist, and I'm taking the dog to the vet..... I'm waiting in the reception area of the Vet's practice and staring at the receptionist.  Not in a lecherous way..  but thinking to myself, I know that face..  and the voice.  Then it dawns on me - she worked for me when I was at US Gold about 15 years or so ago.  She didn't recognise me...  we passed pleasantries and I was called in to the vet.  I'm sure I had to make her redundant, which was a shame..  she was a good and dedicated worker...

The dog has his second vaccination and I ask the vet if his weight is ok, and explain that I've not been there for a fortnight while being in hospital with Joel so not sure if the mother-in-law and daughter have been overfeeding him...  he seems to have ballooned in 2 weeks..  1 kilo extra!  He needs a bit of dust I think.  The vet says it's fine, and that he's a puppy - overfeed a puppy and all you'll get is a pile of sick he says.  Frank, but true.

I go home and return the dog to his basket..  giving him a love and a fuss.. then realising I stink of stale dog wee...  Remembering I'm off to see Joel now, I decide to shower and change my clothes, but first I hoover that damned smoke alarm.  It went off again this morning..  3 mornings on the trot, all about the same time - between 5am and 6am..  I can't bear any more..  so I hoover the sensors, just in case it's a bit of stray dust or Harry the spider waking up for work.  Not sure if it will work...  it's mains operated, so it's not like it's a dying battery.

 

I get to hospital and the car park is full, so I park on the open air one.  It still won't accept £10 in one go..  so I put £8 in and leave my note on the car dashboard again..  "Machine Not accepting £10 for 24hr ticket - Joel Sheldon, Ward 10"  If I get clamped and they haven't tried at least to get in touch, I'll go spare.

It's probably good parking on the open air one today, because at least I can go and pick Eve up from school, bring her back, and use the same ticket, providing there is space on the car park...

My good idea is shattered when I reach Joel's bed and one of the nurses says "Has anyone told you about parking?"..  "er..  what about it??". There's a parking pass waiting for me at customer service.  £5 deposit and then £10 per week for parking instead of £10 per day.  Great.  I've just spent £8 on parking when there's a pass for me.  Last night, we were also told that there's a good chance Joel may (MAY) be able to come home Friday night, after his Hickman line has been inserted, but we're not sure..  He's having a Hickman Line in his chest, lumbar puncture, and CT Scan..   but the irony of the whole parking thing is just hilarious...

We've been here the best part of two weeks..  at £10 per day for parking.  They give us a 7 day parking permit for £10 (plus £5 deposit) the day before he might come home!

I'm asked to sign a form for the parking permit.  It's a 7 day pass, and if you don't renew or return the pass by the 7th day, you lose your £5 deposit.  You need the pass to get in AND OUT of the car park..  so I wonder how you get the £5 deposit back by returning the pass, and yet still be able to get out of the car park on the evening?  I guess I'll find out next Thursday.

I also wonder if we'll be able to extend it if Joel is discharged as an in-patient.  We have LOTS of appointments coming up at the hospital on an out-patient basis..  for chemo (possible 8 x 6 week courses!), physio, eye tests and general follow ups etc. so we'll still be needing to park the car...  We shall see.

 

Joel also has a new toy..  a Ferrari Red Wheel Chair!  In Physio this morning while I wasn't there, he was whizzing around the gym doing turns on the spot, and really took to the chair like a duck to water.  This will be his chair for the next few months now.  He loves it.  It's a shame we can't decorate it or personalise it, but it's not our property - it's on loan to us so has to be returned in the same condition.  Sadly, it's not big or strong enough to take my weight..  I was tempted to try popping a few wheelies up the corridor..  Maybe if he grows a bit due to the steroids, then he'll need a bigger chair that will fit me too...

This also means we'll get a blue badge for the car, carers allowance, and all this other stuff that's gone over our heads..  we don't feel like we're justified having it - but apparently we're entitled to it all.

The blue badge will come in handy though with the chair, as Joel is getting tired REALLY quickly..  I'm hoping he'll be able to stay awake for the Birmingham City vs Manchester City match next week when he's mascot.  They may have to drag him from the dressing room, heel's scraping and bleeding along the floor of the tunnel as he's pulled unconscious to the centre circle...  Tens of thousands of fans, Satellite TV viewers, and he's snoring on live TV... He'll be fine I'm sure.

I leave to pick Eve up from school, and call Joyce to let her know that I'm picking her up.  I ask if she'd like to come..  I'm possibly shooting Usher later at the NIA, but that's not confirmed yet..  I could really do with getting back into work mode..  I can't afford to let my clients go without pics for much longer... so I've got all my cameras packed in the car.  Joyce says that she'd like to come, so I have to pick her up from home after I've picked Eve up.  Then she drops the bombshell..  "Marion wants to come as well..  she's invited herself".  I don't mind, but as long as I'm not expected to give them a lift back..  I'm working 2 minutes away (if it comes through) and intend to go there, do the job, then get back to Joel's bedside..  I'll pay for their taxi if necessary, but I haven't seen Joel much today..

On the way to the hospital, I'm quiet.  I'm thinking so many things in a world of my own..  we get to the hospital and park up.  Marion turns to Joyce and while looking at me says "Looks like we've been sent to Coventry haven't we?".  This angers me greatly.  I've got things going through my head and she's having a sly dig at me for not talking in the car.  I had nothing to say, and didn't want to make any conversation.  My concentration on my driving wasn't as sharp as it should be anyway..  the last thing I needed was further distraction.  I'm in a bad mood now.  I've been gracious enough to give her a lift, and now she's trying to provoke me.  I have no time for it.

My uncle John is already at Joel's bedside when we arrive.  Conscious of the '2 visitors per bed' rule, I ask John if he'd like a cup of tea, and we go to the kitchen for a bit to allow Joyce and Marion to sit with Joel.  It also means I don't have to sit there and have Marion riling me thinking that she's cheering me up.

The parents kitchen is crowded.  There's a family of 4 eating a chip supper..  one person perched on a bar stool under my cupboard from which I need to retrieve a tea bag and the jar of honey..  fully aware that I booby trapped the cupboard when I last locked it (ok, not so much booby trapped, but hastily put everything back precariously balanced against the door), I ask the lady if she could excuse me just while I get some stuff out..   "Yeah, fine" she mutters..  and doesn't move.  I raise my arm to put the key in the lock which is above eye level, and she still doesn't budge.  "Excuse me please"..  and I open the door.  She shifts slightly, so gets a face full of my armpit and a bag of milky bar buttons in her chicken pie.  I doubt she'd notice she was chewing a plastic bag to be honest...  they've got chip wrappers strewn all over the place.  I make a cup of tea for me and John and we go and sit in the corridor where it's peaceful.

 

It turns out this family is from the child who has just been brought up to the bed next to Joel.  He's 22 months old and was run over.  He's been in ITU for 3 days and has just come round.  His visitors (and his mother) are in the parents room stuffing their faces (well, we all have to eat), but the child is left alone save for a student nurse comforting him.  He's battered and bruised, head swollen and cut, with abrasions all over the side of his face.  His eyes look like he's done ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

I hope they choke on their chips.

22 months old, and run over.  How does that happen?  Where were the parents?  Many scenarios run through ones mind..  I frequently see parents pushing prams and pushchairs while about to cross the road, they'll have their feet on the kerb and the pushchair IN the road..  with baby's face inches from speeding traffic.  Sometimes I'm tempted to blare my horn as I go past..  I don't, for fear of frightening the child, but these parents need sense drilled into them somehow..  better the blast of a horn than the side of a bus..  and I know that feeling from experience!

Perhaps they were sitting having a drink at a pub and not watching the child as it played on the car park, or straying into the road?  I suppose it's unfair of me to come to my own conclusions, but the fact that by 7pm the whole family has gone and the child is left on his own with no-one there except the nurses.  He cries out most of the night, "Momma...".  Different nurses go up and console him, and he's not wary of ANY of them..  he shows NO fear of strangers.  A sign that he's used to being passed around.  The child has just come out of ITU and the parents spend a couple of hours with him before leaving..  no one staying with him overnight.  Welcome to the NHS, your friendly babysitting service.

7.30 comes and it's home time...  It's suggested that I take the family home.  I don't want to..  I'd rather pay for a taxi than waste an hour driving home and back..  but in the end, I decide I'd rather get Eve back home quickly so I agree to give them all a lift.  Eve is very good tonight, no tears.  Joel asks for Eve.. she approaches his bedside, and he leans over and gives her such a loving hug and kiss, and pats her back..

For all their bickering, this is a beautiful scene..  a bond I've never known..  I have no brothers or sisters to compare the feeling with, but I feel a sense of pride, and love for these two children who clearly love each other - despite their occasional differences and disagreements.

Joel decides he'll come to the door to see us out and jumps into his wheelchair..  he carefully drives up the ward to the door, only stopping for a breather near the end, at which point Louise takes over..  I ask if he likes his chair..  "Yes!" comes the prompt response...

We leave and make the journey home..  I return to the hospital about 40 minutes later..  not a bad journey really.  I ask Louise if anyone has been back to see the little boy next door, who is sat there being comforted by a nurse.  Nursing staff are very disciplined when it comes to discretion, but you can see from their manner that they're disgusted with the parental 'treatment' this child receives.  The family have left for the night early..  probably so they don't miss Happy Hour.

As Joel goes to sleep, Louise and I sit there contemplating.  Louise gets quite upset and worried about tomorrow..  Joel has his op to put the Hickman line in, as well as the lumbar puncture to see if the cancer has spread, and a CT scan.  We both get worried and talk about the statistics.  We still don't know for sure if it's aggressive or standard - so not sure about that 80% or 60% five year survival rate..

I tell Louise it makes no difference to me if it's 60%, 80%, or 95% - it's that percentage that DON'T make it past five years that frightens me. Doesn't matter how good the odds are, there's still a chance.  It's a lottery in reverse.  I still fear Joel being in the 20% or 40% of the unlucky ones.

We have to be patient, and strong.. but we're fearful.  It's horrible, watching our beautiful little boy lying there so peacefully, thinking of all the dreams and aspirations WE hold for him, let alone his own, and wondering if there'll be any long term problems yet to come as a result of the treatment or the cancer itself - or even if he'll grow up into a young man.  We MUST stay positive, but I'm finding it impossible to do.  Our lives have been shattered.

When we had Eve and decided to have another child, we were blessed with a boy..  Our family was complete - one of each..  the perfect combination and an ideal age gap between them..  close enough together that they can play with each other as they grow up and not be too far apart as teenagers..  siblings, and best friends...

We never expected cancer would try and destroy that perfection.

IMG_0779.JPG

 

1 comment:

  1. What an honest, true and frank description of your day, I lived it with you (metaphorically of course!) - I am hoping SO much that Joel will sail through this and become the lovely young man you hope he will be. thanks so much for sharing this with us Jason xxxx

    ReplyDelete